I’ve arrived for another health recovery program at the International Taoist Tai Chi Society’s International Centre in Orangeville, Ontario, Canada. For the second year in a row I’ve come with my mother-in-law and grandmother, it’s becoming a new family tradition of the best kind! It seems we aren’t the only ones that are getting into a routine, I’ve counted nine others that were here the same week as us last year. There are only 29 of us participants and assistants, so the 12 of us returning represent more than a third of the people.
It’s Dr. Bruce McFarlane and Kim Girard who are our instructors this time. In his opening talk, Bruce marvelled at how there’s always at least one participant who comes to the program without ever having done tai chi before. Those brave souls inspire the rest of us. I remember very well the leap of faith it took for me to come the first time, but at least I had been doing it for a couple of months at that point. It’s incredible to me to see others coming even sooner. A leap like what I did or any of the others who came early seems to require either lack of access to a health recovery class at home or an almost desperate need for health recovery, sometimes both.
Another element of Bruce’s opening was to think during the week of what we learn that has helped us so much that we want to practice it for 100 days afterwards. It doesn’t have to be 100 days exactly, but the idea is to practice for a long enough time in close succession right after feeling it for it to become habit and retain the feeling. This concept actually corresponds with the book of a psychologist that I’ve been reading lately. Will power alone is like a human trying to drag an elephant; no matter how disciplined or enthusiastic you are, you’d better find a better way to persuade the elephant to go in the direction you want before you hurt yourself trying to do it with force. Habit-forming by repeating an action (not a thought) directly after an epiphany moment is one of the alternatives to force of will power.
The first night wasn’t all just talk, we did a full class worth of tai chi and by the time I’m switching my tai chi shoes for my outdoor boots I’m struck by my sweat footprint on the tile floor. I’ve had high arches all my life, the kind whose footprint doesn’t show that anything connects the pad of the foot to the heel. I noticed for the first time that the sweat marks now show a healthy arch. It’s a sign of getting all the weight in my foot like I’m supposed to, it really stretches and relaxes my foot. I remember how I used to get painful spasms up my legs starting from my foot and realize that I don’t get that anymore.
Another thing I’m quickly reminded of here is how much practicing my French has become a big part of my experiences at the centre. So much so that I thought ahead to schedule my French language tests at work within two weeks of coming back. It makes me want to look into workshops being held in Quebec. I’d like to see what it would be like to be immersed in French with a little English, rather than predominantly English with far more French than I’m used to thrown into the mix. I’ve been reminded how difficult it is for me to switch back and forth between English and French; I start losing words in both languages! In French I remember words for things like “kindergarten” but can’t think of words like “pull.” In English – my first language I feel I need to remind myself – I call a window a mirror.
But I digress. Writing in the evening is the prefect way to calm my mind after so much excitement today. No doubt I’ll sleep well tonight.
It’s only taken my fourth week long program here in two years for arriving to feel like coming home.
Day 2
I woke up this morning with my head bothering me with a bad headache so I skipped chanting and slept in. I ended up sleeping through breakfast. Ah well, I brought my own cereal and a few other things just in case and when I woke up the second time my headache wasn’t quite as bad as the first time, so it was worth it.
Starting tai chi though I was only able to get through one set before having to sit out most of the morning session because I was feeling light headed, dizzy and faint. That combined with the lingering headache was far too reminiscent of when I collapsed a few months ago, so I know better this time not to push it.
I remember last year something else forced me to sit out for a good chunk of the first day and I was upset by it and tried to stubbornly keep going anyway. The feeling of, “Dang it! I’d been looking forward to coming here for this so long, I’m not going to just sit here!” This time I’m pleased to notice that I’m more relaxed about it. I’ve got all week, there’s no hurry to push myself beyond what’s reasonable.
I have a tough moment though when I do join in for a bit and someone comes up to me to joke about being, “So serious!” Well yeah, I’m in pain! It’s not his fault, he was just trying to lighten the mood, I just get emotional with this kind of thing. A funnier moment balances it out. Someone else came up to me to say, “Don’t think of the back foot.” “I didn’t realize I was. What’s it doing? Okay, now I’m thinking of it.” lol
I had extra salt at lunch (these symptoms may be a sign of low blood pressure for me), put an ice pack on my head for a half hour and have a nap in the afternoon. I’m better enough to participate gently for most of the afternoon session and I’m rewarded with a light bulb moment. It’s one of those discoveries to try to incorporate daily for the next 100 days.
Supper brings more of the needed salt with more needed ice and rest afterwards. By the evening session I’m pretty much back to normal and only holding back a couple of times out of caution rather than real need. I have another two light bulbs go off – things that feel so good and “right” doing it the new way that I can’t believe I haven’t been doing it like that this whole time.
Another thing that feels good is the walk back on the path to the meditation suites (and my bed). It’s a beautiful clear night and the air is crisp, but so fresh.
Day 3
I woke up feeling better today, not only did I make it to breakfast, I even made it to morning chanting! The weather is beautiful – extremely mild for November in Ontario is putting it lightly – but it’s allowing everyone to go for walks and enjoy our peaceful (if windy) surroundings.
I found it difficult to focus on the tai chi this morning and I felt like curling up with a book instead. But there will be time for that later so I go and it seems I wasn’t the only one a little body-tired because we did a lot of talking. One of the lead assistants told us his story of how tai chi has helped him. A story of spine problems, lost feeling in arms, lots of pain, arthritis at a very young age and even a wheelchair – the story is even more remarkable because now looking at him move you would never guess he’s lived through all that! So graceful, soft, yet strong. It’s inspirational.
I suppose I needed that inspiration a little later in the day as I worked through a movement that is difficult and sometimes painful for me. It’s incredible how, particularly in tai chi, things come to you just as you need them. Just in time guidance. I’ve discovered more about my body through working on that movement and it proved to be an ice breaker for me in the small group I was working in, but I may have continued with it longer than I should’ve. My headache is back by mid-afternoon and I make sure to apply an ice pack to my head again after supper.
It’s Remembrance Day today, as I write this in the evening it feels like such a long time ago that we did a silent standing meditation in remembrance.
(to be continued)
Great to come across a fellow tai chi practitioner, and glad you’re enjoying the retreat ; definitely want to check something out like this soon :))
Likewise! There aren’t that many tai chi bloggers out there that I know of so it’s nice to discover I’m not alone. If you can make it to Orangeville, Ontario, Canada at all, I highly recommend this program! They offer weekend workshops as well in case a full week isn’t possible.
Merci de m’avoir rappeler la “règle” des 100 jours 🙂 Ca ne fait que 2 jours que je suis de retour d’Orangeville et je l’avais déjà oublié… J’ai bien hâte de lire les parties 2 et 3.
C’est très facile d’oublir beaucoup de chooses après qu’on retourne chez nous! C’est une des raisons que j’ecrit mes experiences – pour que je peux rappeler de plus.
Delightful to reconnect with the energy of Health Recovery.
En lisant ton blog pour la première fois, je me rends compte que le tai chi atteint chacun d’une façon qui lui est très intime. Ce n’est pas que je l’ignorais, mais chaque expérience de tai chi est si intime pour moi que j’oublie qu’elle est universellement riche! Thanks for sharing what I sometimes don’t dare to express!
Merci pour ton commentaire Cathy! Oui, je trouve qu’il y a beaucoup plus qui ce passe que les mouvements quand ont fait une semaine de tai chi. Quand j’écris de mon expérience ça m’aide a rappeler les sentiments qui sont si facile a oublier quand on retourne chez-nous. En parlant avec les autres, il me semble que tout le monde ont des differents expériences qui sont très intime, mes quand même c’est plus facile de rappeler notre expériences quand on lit ou écoute les expériences des autres. I’m glad you enjoyed reading!